I think it is time we were honest with each other. I mean really honest about how and what we feel.
There may be some people that breeze through life and feel great at every turn, always feel good about their decisions, their parenting and who they are as a person. On the other hand this may be a figment of my imagination. In any case, I am not one of these people. I feel everything- happiness, bliss, pleasure, peace, contentment, love, neutrality, frustration, anxiety, sadness, depression, confusion, anger, trauma, grief. I used to think that this meant that there was something wrong with me, as I should be happier. Now I realise that this is not true.
I have found a description of the way we experience life that has illuminated my innocent misunderstandings about my judgement of myself.
Within this movement of people, who see this description to be true for themselves, there is an honesty I have never encountered before. We say “All is well”, even if we are sad. We say “We don’t need fixing”, even if (in this moment) we feel depressed.
When we understand why we feel as we do:
We are not trying to push our emotions away.
We are not trying to choose the ‘good’ feelings.
We are not trying change the ‘bad’ feelings.
We are not judging how we are feeling.
Feelings come and go like the natural ebb and flow of life.
How refreshing to sit in front of a coach and say “I feel sad” and for them to say, in the most loving way possible, “I feel sad too sometimes, so what”?! Or “Me too” Wow! Really? I thought it was only me! Are we really able to say that to each other? Isn’t the coach supposed to be saying “Why do you feel sad?” and “How can I help you out of it?”.
There is something magical about knowing that other people feel sad. We realise that we are like every human being on the planet. We have our experience normalised. We all feel different feelings in different moments. We cannot hold on to a ‘good’ feeling, any more that we can get rid of the ‘bad’ ones. Feelings change. That is their nature.
I meet people during the day and no one really knows how I am feeling. What pain I may be in, be it emotional or physical. What peace I am in. We guess from the way people look how they are feeling. If I smile, people assume that I am having a ‘good day’ or feel good about life. If I say I have had a great day then they may be thinking that they should say that too.
I invite you to consider that a change in the way we see ourselves is possible. More and more people are depressed and suicidal, including sadly, children. More people are feeling traumatised by life. What if what we were feeling was completely normal, and completely OK. Could we really be OK with those feelings that had us running to the phone for support and comfort in the past? Could we really tell each other it is OK to feel whatever you are feeling?
Maybe we could see something different about life? We are part of nature and the way we experience life is part of that nature too, there is a pattern to all natural life. We see it all over the place, in fern leaves unfurling and spirals of snails shells, in viewing rivers from the air and blood vessels. There is pattern and logic.
There is a logic to how we are experiencing life. When we really see this logic to be true we are freer and freer of the things that used to be unbearable, or even annoying, for us. Nothing is wrong and there is nothing to fix. We are in this moment with whatever feeling we are having and all is well. Can you imagine that we could live in a world where that would be OK?
Thank you for reading my blog. If you would like any more information about what I facilitate then please do get in touch for a chat. Also I have written a book that is simple enough for children, and it contains an adult explanation, it could help you to see life differently. The book can be bought here.
I work mostly online so you don’t need to be in Devon to speak to me. It truly is as transformational a conversation as in person.