Sheena Oxer

Sheena Oxer

I believe that every person has the right to a peaceful and happy life and be set free

This helps me and could help you

I was asked recently how the understanding is helping me with this current situation (That being: we are in lockdown due to a coronavirus spreading worldwide).

This was my response…

I only have one place to look to for all my feelings.

I am not feeling isolated.

I have all the mental health I need right here.

I know that there is nothing I need to change to feel better.

I know that my sense of security doesn’t come from something out there,
like if I can get the things we need to eat, or from knowing what is
going to happen in the future, but from within me.

I know that whatever happens to me, my parents, or my children – I will be OK.

I see how resilient and creative I am and we all are.

I know that it is normal to feel all emotions and they have no meaning for me, other than to be felt and pass through.

I know that I am not in control of life, life is in control.

I see a lot of people chasing their mental health, doing exercise to
make themselves feel better, doing mindfulness or art. I do exercise
because I want to, but I don’t expect it to make me feel better, I feel
differently in different moments due to different thoughts coming to me.
I create things because I want to, and not because I think it is going
to keep me mentally healthy. I reach out to others because I like to,
not because without it I will feel isolated and lonely.

As soon
as we think we need to ‘do’ something to feel mentally healthy, we are
missing the fact that we are already healthy and that in itself causes
the problems. By understanding myself psychologically life changes for
me.

I am so so grateful to know this about myself, without it I
would be feeling lonely, isolated and depressed. I would feel that I
would need to change myself and what I am doing to feel better. I would
be feeling immense sadness for me, my children, my relationships with
friends. More than that, the sadness would be a problem for me and I
would be wanting to change it, to move away from it, to feel
differently. I would be feeling grief and that grief would be a problem,
something that I would need to process or change in order to feel
better. With this understanding all emotions are welcome, all are energy
passing through. None mean anything more than a feeling coming with a
thought… right now. I only have right now to live life…

I wonder if this answer makes sense to you, or touches you? Are you curious?

If you have any questions please call or email me to ask. I would be more than happy to answer them.

info@sheenaoxer.co.uk

+44(0) 7879628312

Mental health, a different perspective: Can we always choose our thoughts?

There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding in our culture that the answer to some our problems of mental health is to think positively or calm our mind.

Yes it does seem sometimes that I have control over my thinking and I can choose to think about grey bunnies right now, but at other times I don’t seem to be able to do anything about what I am thinking about, despite how uncomfortable it is and how much I want it to change. In fact it seems as though the more I try to change these uncomfortable thoughts the more they seem to hang around.

What if the very fact that I am trying to change them is the thing that is keeping them in place?

What if I simply know where that feeling is coming from and know that it will pass on its own?

Well how do I do that? I hear you ask.

The good news is that you don’t have to do it. It happens automatically when you understand where all feelings are coming from and that is from a thought right now.

We were are all brought up to think that feelings come from ‘out there’, life makes us feel a certain way:

The sunshine makes us happy.

The film makes us sad.

Our children make us feel worried.

But we are missing the reality of how we experience life. I would very much doubt if everyone felt the same on a sunny day.

Someone may be sitting in the sun and feeling deeply depressed.

Some may not find the film sad at all but manipulative or nauseating.

We feel very differently about our children in different moments on different days. We cannot possibly worry about then 24/7.

We feel differently on different days due to different thoughts, all coming with a feeling.

We experience life via our thoughts about life in any given moment. 100% of the time. This is absolute truth.

Knowing this, insightfully, takes so much off our minds, as we are no longer judging ourselves for having different feelings, or worrying about why we have them, or trying to change them.

Thoughts change on their own.

It is the 100% rule that gives us peace of mind even if we are feeling something truly terrible that, in the past, we would have been judging the hell out of and been very upset about.

If you want to see this for yourself you could challenge yourself to feel the same way about the same thing all of the time. You will notice that this is not the case and this gives you evidence that our feelings are coming from our thinking about life and not life itself.

This is a simple yet truly liberating thing to know as you will not be trying to change yourself or life to feel better. You will begin to be able to accept yourself and others more and you will see life from a totally new perspective.

If you do challenge yourself I would love to hear from you to see how you get on.

If you are interested to hear more I have blogs and podcasts on my website.

www.sheenaoxer.co.uk

Please do contact me, I would love to help you through this time of change:

info@sheenaoxer.co.uk

+44 (0) 7879628312

A Gift

I was asked by someone, who also facilitates the Three Principles as a Paradigm, to recommend a book that teaches children about this understanding of the way we logically, psychologically experience life. She asked me because I have children of my own. I did buy a book a few years ago, only to find that my 8 year old, as she was at the time, was able to point out that it had misunderstandings in it. In fact, when I asked my daughter what they were she rushed off and brought the book back and showed me a page in which thought was being judged as good and bad. I was blown away. I didn’t know that she saw what I saw about how we work and I was delighted that she could see that you can’t split thoughts into good and bad ones.

So, finding that I couldn’t recommend the book I had, I had a go at writing a book myself from the logic of how we experience life as I see it, as best as I can. It was based on a situation that actually happened with my daughter. I was inspired to write a normal life story from within the logic of how we experience life and from outside of that understanding. It is a very simple story and one that I hope will be as much of a gift to others as this knowledge has been to me.

It has been the school holidays and over the holidays I had planned to let others know that this book is now available. However, my time has inevitably been taken up with my children. It feels good to know that this is OK too and that I don’t have to feel bad about not reaching my goals for myself. How often do we give ourselves a hard time for not doing the things we think we ‘should’ have done? It is such a relief to have that idea fall away as being important.

This book is my gift to you: it contains an understanding of how we experience life. Knowing how I experience life has made a huge impact on the quality of my life, reducing the ruminations and taking so much off my mind. I hope that this book will do the same thing for you, or set you on a path of curiosity of how you think you are experiencing your life.

Click here to order your copy from Amazon

It is written with children in mind but really it is for anyone who finds themselves searching, or overwhelmed with how they are feeling. It may well give you the peace of mind you have been searching for. Not just because of the words that are written, but because you may well have an insight when you read it.

Below are some comments from people who kindly reviewed this book before it was published.

If you would like to talk to me about the book or about the understanding and the difference it can make to you then please do get in contact with me. You can reply to this email or call me on +44(0)7879628312.

If you have any groups in mind that you think would like some relief from life then please do get in touch. I am happy to come and talk to any group.

Comments from others:

As a retired primary school headteacher and school improvement advisor (and as grandad to three children) I have seen first hand some of the struggles children face when they live in an innocent misunderstanding of where their feelings really come from. This simple tale, in two parts, will be so helpful in illuminating this. Children will easily identify with the story and by having the comparison of outcomes the simple but far reaching implication of knowing where our feelings come from is simply made. A great present for any child!
— Peter Anderson – Cert. Edn, Adv. Dip Edn (Cambs)

I work with business leaders many of whom happen to be parents. They often ask me to recommend books for their kids. I can’t wait to recommend this one! The simplicity of Sheena’s message and her illustrations really hit home. I expect the book to be read again and again planting a valuable life lesson in kids of all ages.
— Sandy Krot – Director of Learning at Insight Principles and co-author of Invisible Power: Insight Principles at Work

I love it. I work with business clients who have a tendency to overcomplicate and intellectualize the simplicity of the Principles. While this book will certainly serve as a wonderful introduction for their children, it may also help them have insights for themselves. There’s a beautiful innocence and hope in seeing our thoughts as neutral bubbles that will disappear. That’s a message for everyone.
— Cheryl Bond – (she is happy for us to edit) – Essential Resilience, Executive Coaching and Business Consulting.

I have taught this understanding to many hundreds of adults, and
when they see how much it reduces their psychological suffering and adds to their quality of life, they almost always say: ‘why aren’t children learning about this?’ Sheena Oxer’s story is a lovely and enjoyable way to help children catch on to the magic secret behind their experience, and likely save themselves a lot of the unnecessary anxiety and stress that so many people experience in life.
— Annika Hurwitt, Ph.D

As an author, teacher and therapist I often get requests from my students and clients for something to share with their young children. “If I only knew this when I was growing up!” is a refrain I hear often. Well, here it is in this early childhood gem on the Three Principles. It will be wonderful to now have something to share with parents. Just yesterday a young mom of four kids asked if there was anything she could give her children. I am so grateful I now can send this to her and all future requests.
— Joseph Bailey, Licensed Psychologist, Author, and Counselor

This simple book has the potential to eradicate the complexities, issues and problems that naturally occur when we don’t know where our experience is coming from. It offers a profoundly practical understanding that I feel is the future of the education system and indeed human evolution. What a wonderfully helpful resource for children – our future.
— Rudi Kennard, International Speaker, Innateevolution.com

Countless books have been written about underpinning of the imagination to the world we inhabit. Being and Time of Heidegger has 590 pages and Being and Nothingness of Sartre has 638 pages (to name but two). But nothing has been written so childishly simply in our choice of worldview as Understanding Thoughts and Feelings. In this book we are relieved to find that we all knew about a happier way of being already and so do not have to read through the history of philosophy (phew!) We do not have to think and see our thoughts as something outside ourselves talking about a world outside that. We can live with all of our being the nothingness and time of the moment. I recommend Understanding Thoughts and Feelings, A Walk to Grandpa’s by Sheena Oxer (16 pages including illustrations) as a guide for all ages and backgrounds!
— Philip Franses – Senior Lecturer Schumacher College, Director Global Synapses

One step to peace of mind

I
offer this blog in the hope that it will reach people who feel stuck
and that life is difficult. I want to connect to people who are
searching for a different way to look at life or who feel that they
need to change something about themselves to feel better. This is how
I felt about life and what I found was that I didn’t need to change
myself at all, all I ‘needed’ to do was understand myself in a
different way and the changes happened to me via insight.

I
was looking at my mothers magazine a few months ago and saw an
article ‘10 steps to Peace of Mind’. My reaction was a strange
and a new experience. I haven’t really seen self help articles
recently, I haven’t been reading books or magazines, as the search
for help outside of myself is stopping. In the past I wanted to do
something about my lack of peace and I would pour over such articles
taking notes and wondering if I would be able to get to the peace of
mind the writer was referring to.

10
steps sounds like we can really get on with doing something about it.
But what if we didn’t need to do anything? What if peace of mind is
available to us in any given moment just by insightfully knowing one
thing about ourselves? Would you be interested in find out more about
that?

In
fact what I have insightfully seen is that there is only one step to
peace of mind. This one step is to know where my experience is coming
from. I can only experience life via thought in the moment. Thought
always comes with a feeling and a feeling always comes with a thought
and that is, in essence, all I need to know for peace of mind,
regardless of the emotion that is coming up. Well that doesn’t sound
life changing! But it is.

I
had been innocently taught that a feeling comes from the past, or it
comes from my child, or what someone did to me. But in fact this is
not the case. Logically if we look at this – it doesn’t make sense.
If my husband could make me
feel something then surely he would make me love him. He cannot make
me love him, and in the same way he cannot make me angry. The only
thing that can make me feel is a thought. A thought that I am having
about my husband. Another example is that if my child can make me
angry, then how is it that I get angry with my child at a time when
my husband does not, and vice versa. It is my thinking about my child
that makes me angry and my husband’s thinking about our child that
makes him angry. When we look at our experience with this logic in
mind, a lot of what I said or thought about doesn’t make sense any
more.

My
feelings cannot come from the past, they come from my thinking about
the past. This incredibly simple missing link changed everything for
me and I went from feeling bound by my past to feeling freer and
freer from it. People who I have facilitated with this understanding
of life express such a relief knowing this about themselves in the
same way as I feel relief.

When
we get interested in this and start learning through insight we can
get stuck, feeling like it is us making ourselves feel things that we
don’t want to feel. But we can and do move past this when we see
this understanding more deeply, that it really isn’t talking about
‘what we are thinking about;’, it is talking about ‘the fact that we
think’. That ‘thinking’ is the only way I can experience life. If I
didn’t think then I would be dead. I used to want to stop my
thinking as I was judging it and sometimes it came with feelings that
I considered intolerable. But now I see thinking and feeling in this
moment is the only way I can experience life, and actually I don’t
need to be concerned about feelings so much as all they are telling
me is what I am thinking about right now. Nothing else.

This isn’t very sexy, it isn’t very glamorous. One of the educators of this said – if it was a box on the table, it would be the dullest box among other boxes made with gold and jewels. But inside this box is a depth we have never experienced before. The jewel of who we really are and how we can experience life at all. We see the miracle of life and fall into gratitude for it.

If
this sounds interesting to you and you would like to know more I
offer one-to-ones and intensives.

www.sheenaoxer.co.uk

I also co-run Exeter Three Principles Meetup every month in Nancy Potter house, Topsham Devon.

This is a monthly Blog and if you would like it to conveniently plop into your inbox next month please do get in contact with your email address: info@sheenaoxer.co.uk