Sheena Oxer

Sheena Oxer

I believe that every person has the right to a peaceful and happy life and be set free

We are part of nature

I think it is time we were honest with each other. I mean really honest about how and what we feel.

There may be some people that breeze through life and feel great at every turn, always feel good about their decisions, their parenting and who they are as a person. On the other hand this may be a figment of my imagination. In any case, I am not one of these people. I feel everything- happiness, bliss, pleasure, peace, contentment, love, neutrality, frustration, anxiety, sadness, depression, confusion, anger, trauma, grief. I used to think that this meant that there was something wrong with me, as I should be happier. Now I realise that this is not true.

I have found a description of the way we experience life that has illuminated my innocent misunderstandings about my judgement of myself.

Within this movement of people, who see this description to be true for themselves, there is an honesty I have never encountered before. We say “All is well”, even if we are sad. We say “We don’t need fixing”, even if (in this moment) we feel depressed.

When we understand why we feel as we do:

We are not trying to push our emotions away.

We are not trying to choose the ‘good’ feelings.

We are not trying change the ‘bad’ feelings.

We are not judging how we are feeling.

Feelings come and go like the natural ebb and flow of life.

How refreshing to sit in front of a coach and say “I feel sad” and for them to say, in the most loving way possible, “I feel sad too sometimes, so what”?! Or “Me too” Wow! Really? I thought it was only me! Are we really able to say that to each other? Isn’t the coach supposed to be saying “Why do you feel sad?” and “How can I help you out of it?”.

There is something magical about knowing that other people feel sad. We realise that we are like every human being on the planet. We have our experience normalised. We all feel different feelings in different moments. We cannot hold on to a ‘good’ feeling, any more that we can get rid of the ‘bad’ ones. Feelings change. That is their nature.

I meet people during the day and no one really knows how I am feeling. What pain I may be in, be it emotional or physical. What peace I am in. We guess from the way people look how they are feeling. If I smile, people assume that I am having a ‘good day’ or feel good about life. If I say I have had a great day then they may be thinking that they should say that too.

I invite you to consider that a change in the way we see ourselves is possible. More and more people are depressed and suicidal, including sadly, children. More people are feeling traumatised by life. What if what we were feeling was completely normal, and completely OK. Could we really be OK with those feelings that had us running to the phone for support and comfort in the past? Could we really tell each other it is OK to feel whatever you are feeling?

Maybe we could see something different about life? We are part of nature and the way we experience life is part of that nature too, there is a pattern to all natural life. We see it all over the place, in fern leaves unfurling and spirals of snails shells, in viewing rivers from the air and blood vessels. There is pattern and logic.

There is a logic to how we are experiencing life. When we really see this logic to be true we are freer and freer of the things that used to be unbearable, or even annoying, for us. Nothing is wrong and there is nothing to fix. We are in this moment with whatever feeling we are having and all is well. Can you imagine that we could live in a world where that would be OK?

,

Thank you for reading my blog. If you would like any more information about what I facilitate then please do get in touch for a chat. Also I have written a book that is simple enough for children, and it contains an adult explanation, it could help you to see life differently. The book can be bought here.

info@sheenaoxer.co.uk

+44(0)7879628312

I work mostly online so you don’t need to  be in Devon to speak to me. It truly is as transformational a conversation as in person.

 

This sounds like mindfulness

Every person is searching for peace. Some are aware of it more
than others. I was acutely aware of my search and the emotional pain
that I was in.

Some of the time when I am describing what I do in my facilitation
of others, I get the response ‘that sounds like mindfulness’ or
‘that sounds like Buddhism.’ It might, the vocabulary we use
might sound the same but this is entirely different. I am sure what
we are attempting to describe is the same, however with mindfulness
and Buddhism I always here something to do:

Let go

Allow and accept

Be in the moment

Sit quietly

Observe your thoughts

Detach from your thoughts

If I am asked to do something and I can’t I
then see it as a problem. Then it becomes something that I need to
fix and I search for something outside of myself to try to fix it.

However, what I do is I educate others about how they are already
working, how they are experiencing life. It is a description, not an
instruction of what to do. In my experience, when clients see that
they are already working beautifully, they automatically become more
in the moment, they become more accepting of all their emotions. I
say educate as we already know this and all I am doing is reminding.
The word Educate comes from the Latin word Educaris, to bring out
(from within). The client sees from within themselves that this is
true through insight. As this is insightfully remembered there is
nothing to do as such. We just get interested in one thing: Where do
I think my feelings are coming from? If I think that they are coming
from my child, my messy house, my husband, my work or something
stressful that happened an hour ago, then I am innocently
misunderstanding my experience of life. I can only feel what I am
thinking right now. This knowing through insight
brings me into the present moment as it is the only place I can truly
experience life.

There is of course nothing wrong with mindfulness or Buddhism. But
it is useful to know that this is different. That even though you may
have tried the others and they didn’t ‘work’ for you, there is
still something different to try. There is hope.

We can have an insight reading a cereal packet, in the same way
someone can have an insight in a relaxation class, or through
mindfulness, but it is through the insight that we really change. So
I am not saying that this works for everyone (even though we all work
in the same way). What I am saying is that we all follow our own
unique paths in our search for peace. For me, this understanding was
an entirely different path to peace than mindfulness and Buddhism, as
I didn’t get insight through those.

Since understanding how my mind works, that I can only ever
experience thought in the moment, I have found a peace of mind I
didn’t know was available to me. Without meditating and without
learning the Dharma.

If you would like to know more, Paola Royal and I are are running a two free webinars the details of which can be found here.

We are also running a 6 week beginners course, click here for more information.

www.sheenaoxer.co.uk

+44 (0) 7879628312

Can I teach while being ‘outside in’?

The answer is resounding YES! Here I will explain why.

Being ‘outside in’ has become a ‘thing’ in this movement of the Three Principles. “I am ‘outside in’, how can I teach this”, or “I am not in a good feeling so I can’t teach this now”. It has become an idea, concept or belief.

Quick aside, For those of you who don’t know, ‘outside in’ is being outside the understanding of the logic of how we work. When we are thinking that we work in a way that we do not. For example when I think that my messy house is directly upsetting me and I am missing the fact that I can only feel upset about my messy house via my thinking about it (and not directly). ‘Inside out’ is inside the understanding of the logic of how we work. Where we know that I feel upset because I am thinking thoughts that come with this feeling, they could be thoughts about my messy house or I can feel upset and then blame it on my messy house.

Back to the explanation, if I am ‘outside in’, outside of the logic, there is nothing to do about it, nothing to change. Thoughts change on their own. I don’t have to try and change it. I am not understanding where my feelings are coming from, I think that my messy house is upsetting me, it really seems to be true, but I do still know that it can only be thought in the moment that is causing this feeling.

So the question was, can I teach this logic when I can’t see the logic but know it to still be true. Of course, I can, and have. In fact, I talk about the logic in the same way and the client still has insights. I don’t have to be in a good feeling for clients to have insights. The insights don’t come from me. The client has the insight from within them. I speak about the truth of how I know we experience life and clients see via insights that it is true for them. Whether or not I am able to be in the understanding at the precise moment of teaching doesn’t make a difference to the truth of the logic.