How many times a day are you asked ‘How are you?’ How many times do we answer this question in a day, a week, a year?
Have you noticed that when you are answering this question you have different answers for different people?
I have noticed that when I answer this questions it depends on who I am talking to, whether I feel that they really want to know or whether it’s just a polite thing that we say to each other, and they don’t really want to know the answer.
However, more recently I have been noticing that the answer that I have been giving has been dependent on what has happened to me in the past and has no bearing on what is going on right in that moment.
Before I knew about how I experience life I would have felt that there was no other way of answering this question but launching into what had happened in the past. It was normal to me to reel off what had been happening to me over that day or in the past few hours or even in the past few days.
For example: If a good friend asked me how I was on a Monday morning I would answer based on how my weekend was, how happy my children had been over the weekend- as I have a child who has a tendency to anger easily it had a great bearing on how I would feel on a Monday morning. It would depend on whether I felt my weekend had been scarred by a family fall out, or whether we had been so busy I hadn’t had a chance to sit down! I would answer ‘Exhausted!’ because it has been so busy. Or been very emotional as the weekend had been very difficult with my family issues.
However, now I insightfully know how I am experiencing life, life seems to be falling naturally more into the moment for me. So it was delightful for me to notice that after a weekend that was very busy and fraught with my nuclear family fall outs (… by which I was meaning nuclear as in close family but could also mean the bomb!…) I was answering ‘Very well thanks’. All the momentary angst from over the weekend had gone. I was not experiencing it any more as I wasn’t thinking about it. I didn’t feel as thought I needed to fix it in any way and I wasn’t thinking about it. Magic!
Another thing that can happen is that I answer the question based on what I am going to be doing that day… ‘Well I am so busy today I am feeling stressed about it’, and then list off all the things I am going to be doing. I didn’t realise that I was feeling the overwhelm of the future via my thinking about it.
Also more recently I was asked the question ‘How are you?’ when I wasn’t feeling very well at all. I was in bed feeling very tired and obviously had a virus of some sort and when I answered the question I said ‘Actually in this moment I feel really fine’. Had I tried to get up I might have felt like lying down again. However, this answer was also surprising to me as in the past I would have automatically said ‘Dreadful!’ based on how I had been feeling a few minutes ago. Also whenever I was ill I would get very low about it. Now there is nothing wrong with feeling low at all so I am not judging here, it is just an example. I would suffer with it greatly and have a lot of thinking about whether it was going to go away and how I wasn’t going to be able to look after the children. This time I sent my husband away with his friends to his planned ‘jolly’ and put one foot in front of the other. Whenever I felt overwhelmed with it I thought to myself, ‘What am I being asked to do in this moment?’, ‘What is right in front of me now?’ and whatever I needed to do, I had the energy for. I am certain that in the past, had I been feeling that ill, I would have asked my husband to cancel his jaunt. I would have been totally overwhelmed at the very idea of having to look after the children solo when feeling like that.
So next time you are asked ‘How are you?’ you can have a play if you like. Have a curious play and ask yourself:
– Am I answering from how I feel based on what has happened in the past?
– Am I answering for how I feel right at this moment in time?
When we truly see that there is only NOW to experience life it really does become much simpler.
Most of what I had been saying in my replies to this question was bringing the past through time and space into now and answering with, in my example, what had happened to me over the weekend, bringing it into this moment. There is nothing wrong with this, it is what happens to us all. When we see how this is happening it can be there still or it can fall away but we know what is real and what is an illusion.
My motivation for this blog is to find those people who would like to change their experience of life in some way. You might have anxiety or depression or be searching for a way to make sense of life. If this is you then please do get in touch for a free chat.
Alternatively if you know someone that this might help please do pass it on. I was very much suffering with life even though from the outside I had a very good one. I was fully functional and successful while inside I was in turmoil. This can change and I would very much like to be that catalyst of change for you.
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I work mostly online so you can be anywhere in the world to speak to me. It truly is as transformational as in person.